It has already been 15 days since Daddy took his final breath here on this earth. That seems impossible to me. The first few days were, of course, filled with all the things one has to do in such times. Then there were a few days of mostly much needed silence. One of the hardest things I have found in my experience with death and grief is how the world continues spinning when you just really need it to stop. Bills still have to be paid. Laundry still has to be done. Meals still need to be prepared. Work still calls your name, especially when others are depending on you for their pay checks. Life goes on and there really is no choice but to go on with it.
For years now, Daddy has shut down the family business the week following the July 4th week. With a small staff, it just makes life easier. Since we are closed and there are no deposits to be made or bills to be paid, Debbie and I decided the beach would be the perfect place for us to try to deal with all the events of these past few months.
I thought sure I would get here and shed the bucket of tears I have yet to shed. You’re supposed to cry a lot, right? It’s expected, isn’t it? But I haven’t. Yes, it’s still early and my post-Daddy life is just beginning, but I find I am truly okay. I think of him every day and questions I need to ask him keep popping up, but it doesn’t throw me into a fit of grief. All week, I’ve contemplated my reaction, wondering why I feel so calm, why this time grief has a different face, and this is my conclusion:
I HAVE NO REGRETS!!!!!
Daddy lived a long, full life of 88 years. We talked openly about all that needed to be said. We discussed the hard stuff and shared many precious, precious moments together. We expressed our hearts and said our good-byes. We did everything we could possibly do for him until his very last breath. And we know without a doubt that he is now in the presence of the LORD. It was his time to go home.
Our lives will never be the same, but we will survive and move forward. Daddy left us a legacy to continue and we plan to do just that.
Lots of love, Sharon