Yes, it has been quite a while since I’ve written a post. Why? Multiple reasons, I guess. Since becoming a widow, I have used this blog to express my emotions, whether good or bad. This blog has been therapy for me more than a few times! My lack of writing most certainly doesn’t mean I have my emotions in check. In fact, it has been quite the opposite. But now, my emotions involve others besides myself, therefore I am hesitant to share them for fear they will be misinterpreted by my readers.
Let me try to explain. Care-giving is hard. It changes the dynamics of your life. It places huge responsibilities on your shoulders. It wears on your soul and your spirit. As a caregiver, I strive to balance these things with the honor and privilege of caring for my dad who has always taken care of me. Even now, he continues to do for me in the ways in which he is still able to do. I am blessed beyond words and I know I will never regret this time with him, no matter how challenging it can be sometimes.
Daddy is ready to leave this world and see Jesus. He is tired. His body continues to weaken, but his mind is sharp as a tack. He can barely brush his teeth without being totally exhausted. That is extremely hard for this independent workaholic who has toiled full-time since his early teens. I am truly amazed at how well he has accepted all this. Thankfully, we can still get out some at this point which really helps his spirit.
The winter was cold and long. That, in itself, makes for difficult days. But, in His faithfulness, God has seen us through and revived us with this beautiful Spring filled with new life and new hope. There is just something about getting outside that makes the spirit soar.
Just like us, you have probably said you wish life would get back to normal. BUT THIS IS NORMAL! Life has its ups and downs, its joys and it’s sadness. Life is life and we all basically deal with the same things. It’s not what we deal with but how we deal with it that tells the tale. That is why I just can’t understand how people make it through this life without Jesus. He is my Rock and my Strength. It would be an ugly, ugly mess (and sometimes is!) if I didn’t have Him to walk with me, sometimes carry me, through every single moment of every single day.
I admit I sometimes question why my life has taken the turns it has taken. And the truth is I am not all that happy about some of it. But it is what it is and I have 2 choices: accept it or fight it. Fighting it wears you out. Accepting it takes courage. It is in the combination that the battle lies.
David Jeremiah wrote this in this month’s devotional magazine: “We sometimes have trials heavier than we can bear, and we face disappointments that hit us like an invisible fist to our stomachs. But our disappointments are His appointments. They are God’s way of delivering us from the second best so we’ll be free to experience His better choice for us. In such times, it’s helpful to simply trust the Lord, be as faithful as possible today, and wait to see what He will do tomorrow.”
Help me to live this day quietly, easily;
To lean upon Thy great strength trustfully, restfully;
To meet others peacefully, joyously;
To face tomorrow. confidently, courageously.
That is my prayer for myself and for you.
Lots of love, Sharon