A Bump In The Road

Maybe it’s this soupy hot weather.  Maybe it’s knowing of recent losses that remind me so much of my own.  Maybe it’s the not sleeping well for these past few weeks.  Or maybe it’s just the cycle of grief.  All I know is that right now I am struggling with my emotions. I have hit a bump in the road.

For almost 6 years, I have written our journey of sickness and death and all that entails.  I have tried to be as transparent as possible, yet encouraging to those of you who are “fresh” to this journey called widowhood.

Last week, I spoke briefly with a new widow who said she hoped things would get back to normal soon.  (What exactly is “normal?”)  I just looked at her and smiled and said that things would never be the same.  She hasn’t had time to even realize she will have to establish her own “new normal.”

You would think at this point in my life I would be settled and accepting of my place.  Please don’t send me Scriptures about this being where God would have me at this time because I know them.  AND I BELIEVE THEM!!!!  And I, for the most part, rest in the assurance of them.  But sometimes I just get unsettled.  After all, I am human just like everyone else.

This is not at all the way I had my life planned.  Les and I were going to grow old together.  He was finally going to quit working all the time and we were going to enjoy being together.  Alas, alack.  That was not God’s plan and although I trust His plan, I have to tell you flat-out that I DON”T LIKE IT!!!

I know women who have been widowed for over 30 years and they have survived.  I will survive, too.  But the thought of that for me is almost more than I can stand right now.  I have always loved quiet time at home, but waking up every morning to an empty house gets old real quick.  I miss being able to share my joys and my struggles, my aches and my pains, my ups and my downs with Les.  God has so blessed me with a beautiful home and all I could ever want, but it loses its luster when there’s no one to share it.

Yes, I am having a huge pity party!!!  Please pray that I can settle back down, trust God completely, and flourish in this stage of my life.  There is much to be thankful for and I don’t want to let the negatives cause me to miss the positives.  Right now, that’s what is happening.  My hope is that when I hit the publish button for this post that the weight on my shoulders will take flight along with these words.  Sharing my heart with you has proven to be great therapy in the past.

Lots of love, Sharon


5 thoughts on “A Bump In The Road

  1. Hi Sharon,

    I am so sorry to know that you are hurting. I know that saying so is a huge part of the healing and I do know that God hears your anguish. Life is very different now and being still is the most challenging of all. I cannot tell you that it will ever be the same, but I can tell you that a new normal can bring peace and fulfillment. As do so many others, I love you.

    Prayers and love, Jo

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. Oh yes, Sharon, I still have those bumps in the road, even after all these years! Thank you for saying what was on your heart, because I still have those same feelings. I would love to have Tommy here just to talk and help me get through life’s hurts and heartaches. I know he is in a much better place, but, oh how I need him! I know that God will not leave me nor forsake me, I am just tired of being “sifted”! Thank you again, I needed to read your post this morning!

  3. Sharon,I can empathize with the feelings you are experiencing now. It’s hard to explain them to someone who has never been through them…Like you I have always been a “busy” person,. I kept my days and nights filled with things I enjoyed such as bowling, visiting family and frienfs, dancing ,re… ..ading, and watching TV as well as being very involved in my church work. But it only took me two years to reach the point you are now. Nothing was fun any more. I missed someone to share things with.Most of all I missed the hugs and affection I was used to I became so miserable. I prayed and asked God to please send me someone to share the rest of my life with.Someone that would fill my needs and Iwas very specific in what I hoped this man would be,but I said Lord, if it is not your will , help me to accept this and find my way alone. I know you have prayed for His guidance and touch on your life.I want you to know I am praying with you for an answer.when we saw you Sunday, I thought how lovely you were and thought you would make some lucky man a wonderful eife. I was 60 when James and I married almost 20 years ago, and I thank the Lord every day for putting us together. Love you girl!

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