For all of us, there are multiple words that could be used as a description of who we are. Different people will describe us differently based on the depth of their relationship with us. One of the words I believe truly encompasses who I am is “home-body.”
Even as a kid, I loved to be at home. I was self-motivated, so I all I needed was a coloring book, crayons, toys and later, books. My shyness kept me from interacting easily with others. It was “safe” to stay within the boundaries of home.
Not much has changed in that department. Although I have outgrown the worst of my shyness, there is still an innate need for home. It is safe and quiet and calm. Many widows find home the last place they want to be. The reminders are too strong. But not me. Home is where I want to be!
Home has been my refuge since Les died. It is actually less lonely at home by myself than it is in a group. It is in a group situation that my “aloneness” screams at me. Les traveled for years and I acclimated to being alone once Stacey left for college. It seems natural to be here alone.
Except on weekends!
Sundays are the hardest. Les and I always ate lunch out after church. Before Jo moved to Raleigh, we made a pact to eat together after church. Now, most Sundays I come home and eat alone. It is in these times I find myself fighting off the lies of the enemy. Les’ grandmamma always told me that Sundays were the hardest. Boy, was she right!
But I digress. That really isn’t the point of this post. I guess yesterday’s struggles are still near the surface.
Selling my house has been an uphill battle. Yes, I got an offer very quick for this area, but it feels like I am having to rebuild it to close the sell. My sister reminded me recently that the Word of God says that tribulation builds character. I know it definitely brings out your character!!! It has been such a roller coaster ride. One day everything seems up and the next day, something else rears its ugly head! The Sale Pending sign went up one day and the bug man finds a small termite problem the next. And just when I thought I was headed toward the exit gate.
This morning as I was reading my Bible and talking with the Lord, it hit me that these difficulties truly do have a purpose. Last year this time, I would have left this house kicking and screaming. Now, I can’t wait to get out!!! I am so ready to move on.
This reminded me how as our children grow up and become teenagers, our relationships can sometimes become strained. You know how it is. Teenagers are struggling with the process of no longer being a child, yet not an adult. Parents still want to be needed. It is a tough place to be. This whole struggle really works in our favor as parents; at least it did for me. It is so much easier to let them go off to college when it will give you both a break!!!!
So that is how I am looking at these aggravations that keep arising with this house. I have always loved this house. Les and I built it together. All the dirt in it is ours! But now, I am so ready to go. I am ready to pack the last dish, clean the floor the last time, and hand it over to a new family. Somehow I don’t think it would be as easy if the repairs had not been needed.
Everything has a purpose even if it’s sometimes hard to see. But I must admit I am ready to be free of issues with this house. Hopefully, my character-building can have a short break!!!!!
Lots of love, Sharon