How can you be so excited and full of anxiety at the same time? That is where I find myself these days as I prepare for a huge change in my life. Although the closing is still 2 months out, I have been cleaning out and packing since I put my house on the market. With the sale pending, I have pushed up the throttle.
With every picture, knickknack, piece of linen, yard tool, etc. that I touch, I think about the future and how I will use these things in my new home. I have spent nearly as much time on Pinterest and Houzz as my sister!!!! Yet, almost every morning these past two weeks, I have woken earlier than usual, grateful for another day, with my new place on my mind, yet feeling nauseous. Even gagged a few times! Tears are just below the surface for much of each day.
The window problem that cropped up in the inspection of my present house really threw me for a loop. I love neat, little planned out packages, but we all know life just doesn’t work that way. This was another plan I didn’t pre-approve!
As I mentioned in an earlier post, there are lots of memories in this house. I have lived here longer than any other place in my lifetime. As much as I know it is time to go and believe strongly that God has nudged me forward, it is tougher than you might think.
Les put so much time and energy into this place. He loved it. As “just a poor boy from Duplin county,” he never thought he would be able to have a home such as this one. He loved his outside garage where he could store his 1955 International pick-up truck and his beloved weed eater. He would spend hours running that weed eater! When I would ask him why he spent so much time doing that, he would tell me it worked out stress to beat those weeds to death! Pushing papers and supervising people is a tiring job; sometimes really more tiring than manual work. His weed eater skills are missed, for sure!!!!
There’s something about autumn, too. Oh, it’s beautiful to watch the leaves turn their bright oranges and reds, but even as we ooh and aah, we know that soon the trees will be barren and the cold and dark of winter will come for its turn in the seasons. It was in October that we learned of Les’ stage IV cancer and it was in November of the next year that he left to live with Jesus. Somehow, I don’t think fall will ever be quite the same for me again. As awesome as it is, memories rise up without invitation. I’m sure these events have a part in my present state of mind.
Change is hard for most of us. I am no exception. Taking risks has never been in my resume. Yet, here I am in the throes of change and risks. Maybe that, too, explains some of the nausea. Please know I understand where my strength comes from. God is my strength. He is my strong tower and I run like crazy to Him. But I am a frail human being and my faith falters just like yours. He assures me He is with me, even when I am gagging or the tears won’t stop.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)
On this I stand.
Lots of love, Sharon