He’s been on my mind more than usual this week.
Maybe it’s the cooler weather of the past few days.
You see, his cancer was diagnosed in the fall
and the very next fall he went to live with Jesus.
Or perhaps it was my conversation at the dentist office with an acquaintance
who suffered from melanoma that metastasized to his lungs and liver.
I had not realized until that day that he and Les were the same age.
Praise God, he is doing well!!
Yes, I am pleased that he seems to be healed.
It would be awful to feel differently, wouldn’t it?
Let me be totally frank with you:
I sometimes struggle with jealousy and a touch of resentment
that some people recover and Les didn’t.
I’m not proud of that.
But I’d be lying to say otherwise.
I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would heal Les.
I believed with all my heart until the very last breath that God was able to do so.
(AND HE ABSOLUTELY IS!!!!!!)
There were many, many times that I argued with everything in me to God about the whole blessed mess.
It wasn’t fair!
He was too young!
I was too young!
We were just beginning to get the marriage thing right!!!!!
He so wanted to see his grandchildren grow up.
He was thinking of the time he could slow down from work and spend more time with me.
We were supposed to grow old together.
God let me rant.
He let me cry buckets of tears.
He let me recite my list of how I thought it ought to be.
And when the tears ran dry,
He spoke into my heart His love, His comfort, His peace, His joy.
And He assured me that it was going to be okay.
Did that mean I was I going to get my way?
Not this time.
But I can honestly say, when Les took his last breath,
there was a sense of relief, release, and gratefulness.
It was okay.
And now when the jealousy and resentment rise up in me,
I know I can take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus
and He will give me the strength to overcome those ugly feelings.
It is an ongoing battle.
It actually seems to get harder rather than easier.
But that just means I have to surrender my will more and more to God.
We always hear people say how great God is when their prayers are answered with a resounding “yes.”
But what if the healing doesn’t come?
Does that mean He’s not a “good” God?
Of course not!!!!!!
God is 100% GOOD!
His goodness isn’t based on us in any way, shape, or fashion.
We may not understand why things go the way they do,
but that NEVER changes the fact He is good.
In one day, he lost everything he had;
family, servants, crops, real estate, livestock.
Absolutely everything except his wife.
Did he understand why?
And he had a few questions for God himself.
He asked the “why” question.
He struggled with the unfairness of it all.
But underneath all of that,
he knew that he knew that he knew
that God was faithful and just and trustworthy.
And because of that, he was able to worship at the lowest point of his life.
When the healing doesn’t come,
will you be bitter?
Will you blame God?
Will you lash out in anger?
Or will you trust His heart,
knowing that His plan is perfect
even though you don’t understand it?
Will you worship Him for WHO HE IS and not because of WHAT HE DOES?
Never stop praying for earthly healing.
But when the healing doesn’t come,
surrender your questions and emotions to Him
and He will carry you through.
That’s what He’s done and continues to do for me.
Lots of love, Sharon