[This morning I sat on the deck at the beach and poured out my heart to my Abba Father. Tears have been just below the surface this entire week; tears I haven’t really been able to explain. I have honestly felt like I would explode a few times. I almost went postal over beans, of all things!!! I don’t know about you, but I hate feeling this way. When we are weak, the enemy of our soul loves to pounce on us. I have allowed him to do a number on my mind this week. Yet, I need you to know there has been some good laughs sprinkled throughout the whole week. I am thankful for my family and being able to spend time with them. Each day is precious. May you be blessed by my conversation with God.]
Father, I should be relaxed and happy,
yet here I sit in tears with my insides doing the jitterbug.
What is wrong with me, Lord?
It has been a good week.
Who cries at the beach????
We’ve accomplished the things we hoped to do and more.
We’ve hung out with some friends,
spent times with one another,
had a visit with the kiddos,
ridden in the boat,
fished a little,
and been free from life’s normal responsibilities.
Yet here I sit in tears!
I am so weak, Father.
“When you are weak, I am strong.”
I know that promise, Lord, but how do I let go of my self-imposed expectation to be strong?
“I know you are flesh and flesh is weak.”
Yes, Lord, but how will it look to all the people who see me as so strong?
“Let go and let Me be who they see.”
I don’t know how to let go, Lord.
“I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power.”
But I don’t want to make You look bad.
People are watching.
They expect me to be strong.
After all, they believe I’m walking in Your strength.
We’ll both look bad if they know I have such struggles.
“Just let Me be the strong one.
And let Me deal with the others.
All My children are weak.
That’s why I stand ever ready to give you My strength.
Without Me, you really can’t do anything that builds My kingdom.
I can do much more with you in your weakened state than you can do when you are strong.”
My heart hurts, Abba.
“Yes, I know, My dear child.
I see your tears.
I feel your pain.
I am here for you.
Whisper My name and I am here.”
Thank You, Father.
I feel better just having this conversation.
“Yes, it is good for us to share with one another.
So many of our conversations are one-sided.
You talk and I listen.
It is best when You let Me share with you, too.
I have much to give you;
more than you can even fathom.”
This life is always changing, Lord.
I don’t like change.
It seems I can barely settle down from one major change when another looms just above the horizon.
Are You going to strip me totally bare, Lord?
“I love you with an everlasting love.
Nothing will change that.
Even if you are stripped bare, My robe of righteousness still fits snugly around you.
It is yours forever.
I am the Sovereign God of all and I can handle whatever you need,
whenever you need it.
Call on Me and I will answer you.
My Son died for you.
Doesn’t that prove My love for you?”
Yes, Lord, it does.
My soul is quieted with Your love as You rejoice over me with gladness.
As I wait here on You, You have strengthened my heart.
Lots of love, Sharon