Our faith was too small.
That’s what this man told us on two different occasions.
When Les was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer,
we were visited first in the hospital and then at home
by a man with whom we attended church.
He was in our Sunday School class
and had been in our home for different social activities.
We were so happy to see him.
Visits were important.
Yet, after almost two hours
(which by the way, is too long to visit someone who is sick!!!!)
I found myself condemned and questioning my faith.
This man shared what he wholeheartedly believed as truth.
Yet, he was wrong.
Les being healed while in his earthly tent wasn’t up to us.
Yes, we believed God could heal him.
But that healing was up to God.
I am presently in the process of reading Joni Eareckson Tada’s book called
A Place of Healing: Wrestling With The Mysteries Of Suffering, Pain, And God’s Sovereignty. 1
Now that’s a woman whose faith is powerful!
Yet, after 4 decades, she still sits in a wheelchair as a quadriplegic.
She totally believes God can heal her.
In fact, she went so far as to attend healing services.
But she left still sitting in the wheelchair.
That’s the question I sometimes screamed out to God as I watched my husband
fight so hard, yet continue to weaken and eventually succumb to that horrible disease.
It is the question I sometimes still ask when I see people who have been healed.
It is the question I sometimes struggle with when a couple in front of me at church are sitting close
and his arm is around her, pulling her ever so gently toward him.
It is the question I sometimes still ask when the pangs of jealousy pounce uninvited
as I hear of someone celebrating an anniversary past the 36 years Les and I had.
Sounds a little shallow, doesn’t it?
I don’t mean it to be.
It’s just the cold, ugly truth!!
We all fight demons of some kind.
None of us are totally sanctified.
I am still a work in progress with a lot left to be done.
Yet my transparency has been a healing balm for my sometimes broken soul.
I loved how Joni says she has been able to resolve her situation.
Psalm 37:4 says
“Delight yourself also in the LORD,
and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”
She says in her book,
“I started reading the Bible more and praying and asking God to reveal Himself.
I asked Him to show me His heart, give me His passion for the lost,
keep me from temptation, and help me be a better witness.
In the process of my pursuit, I just ate God up.
I made it my goal to simply delight myself in Him.
And not with the purpose of holding back on a couple of desires I’d hoped He would quickly
fulfill once I delighted myself in Him. No, I didn’t center on what God could do for me.
Not how He could please me, but how I could please Him. I kept putting my wants and wishes
in check and, instead, made certain my goal was simply to enjoy the Lord being….the Lord!
And you’ll never guess what happened!
God gave me the desires of my heart!
It’s true. He really did. The thing was, because I had delighted myself in God,
He miraculously replaced my little private list of wants and wishes with a list of His own.
His desires became mine.
And what are His desires?
That the gospel go forth, that the kingdom be advanced, that the earth be reclaimed
as rightfully His, that the lost get saved, that His glories be made known.
That’s when it hit me.
My wheelchair was the key to seeing all this happen-
especially since God’s power always shows up best in weakness.
So here I sit…glad that I have not been healed on the outside,
but glad that I have been healed on the inside.
Healed from my own self-centered wants and wishes.” 2
Earlier in her book, Joni said
“Here is what I believe:
God reserves the right to heal or not…as He sees fit.” 3
That was the thing I had to come to grips with:
It is God’s decision, not mine.
And that’s okay!!
God is sovereign.
He knows things I will never know.
He sees things I will never see.
His plan is perfect.
My plan is selfish and weak and bound to cause more heartache than good.
So, I choose to simply trust Him.
You may say it doesn’t seem fair.
But in my nearly 6 decades of life
(ugh, I can’t believe that!!)
one thing I’ve learned is
life isn’t fair, but God is GOOD!!!
God is faithful.
God is true.
God is holy.
God is totally concerned about me.
God loves me with an everlasting love.
God’s grace is always sufficient
and His mercies are new every morning!
So, I stand on His promises, His Word, His character.
Why didn’t God heal Les?
I don’t know.
But I do know I can trust that His plan is the best.
Lots of love, Sharon
1) A Place Of Healing, published by David C. Cook, First Edition 2010
2) page 49 of 210 from above book (I’m reading it on my Kindle)
3) page 41 of 210 from above book