I guess this could be considered a “state of my life” post.
Where am I now that I’ve reached the 2 year mark since Les left to be with Jesus?
Well, that depends.
It depends on the day.
It depends on the week.
Sometimes it depends on the moment.
Am I doing well?
Do I still grieve?
Is there still healing to be done to my heart?
Yes, there absolutely is!
Have I kept on living my life?
Without a doubt!
Let me try to explain myself.
Everyday I thank God for my life.
I thank Him for 36 years of marriage.
I thank Him for a faithful, loving husband who worked hard to provide for me then and now.
I thank Him that Les is no longer sick, but totally whole and healed.
I thank Him for my family and support system.
I thank Him that He never leaves me nor forsakes me.
I thank Him that He is a husband to me.
I thank Him for being my strong tower,
where I can run to find strength and help.
Honestly, I could list a thousand promises of God that get me through each day.
But even in the gratefulness,
I find myself with tears.
I thought it would be easier this time.
I thought I could just whisk right through it;
just another day.
But I can’t and it isn’t!
The grief is strong.
The tears are many.
The aloneness is way too real.
The uncertainty raises its head.
The disappointment reigns supreme.
I still hold tightly to the LORD’s hand.
My emotions change nothing about His goodness.
My emotions press me to my knees.
My emotions call out loudly for Him.
My emotions open me up to absorb His mercy,
His amazing and unconditional love.
Let me assure you that there is no way I could be where I am today
were it not for my relationship with God through His Son Jesus the Christ.
Without Him, I see myself as bitter and angry and broken.
Without Him, I see myself as a hermit.
Without Him, I see myself as making some really bad decisions.
But that’s not me.
I don’t have to do any of this life alone.
I am in a covenant relationship with the Almighty God
who loves me with an everlasting love.
Because of that, I have chosen not to be bitter.
I have chosen not to be angry.
I believe I’ve made wise decisions.
And I made a decision early on to reach out to other women who find themselves alone.
Every single part of my life has changed.
Nothing has escaped.
Some days, that is just plain hard to swallow.
But I just keep on keeping on,
knowing God has a perfect plan for my life.
What is His plan, you might be asking?
I have absolutely no idea!!!!
But I’m willing to find out.
And He will walk with me to it and through it,
whatever it may be.
Does that scare me?
Will it stop me?
I am going to just keep moving forward,
even when that includes grief and tears and pain.
Lots of love, Sharon
Leslie Joe Stanley
April 12, 1952 – November 19, 2011
Thank you for following this journey along with me.
Blogging has been better than therapy for me!!!!
It is my prayer that God has used my transparency to speak His truth into your lives.