An Empty Space

 JOY.

Sadness.

 

A HOUSE FULL OF FAMILY.

Yet a deep sense of loneliness.

 

How can one person have so many different emotions

at the same time?

 

It is so hard to describe what this past week has been like for me.

 

It has been such a great time with my family,

riding in the boat,

playing in the water,

snuggling on my bed with the kiddos,

eating some good food together,

reading to the children,

reading a good book myself, 

just being together.

 

Sounds impossible to be lonely, doesn’t it?

But I was.

 

Today it’s just been Daddy and me.

I’ve not been lonely.

When Les was still here, Daddy and I did things together

while Les was at work.    (somebody had to!!!)

But Les was ALWAYS with us at the beach when the whole family came.

 

His absence screams at me when we’re all together.

 

When I got to the beach on Tuesday,

my shoulder was hurting so bad.

The pain was radiating down my arm and into my hand.

The knot in it was the size of a lemon, per my sister!

Fortunately, I was able to get an appointment with a massage therapist

right here on the island the very next day.

 

My understanding is that a deep tissue massage removes lots

of toxins from your body as oxygen flows more freely through your muscles.

I must have had a lot of built-up emotions inside of me

because the next day it seemed that all I could do was weep.

We went out on the boat and stopped at a sandbar.

I played and laughed

yet sat on the wet sand and wept.

The tears just kept overflowing from my eyes.

I wasn’t unhappy.

 

Just lonely.

Lonely for Les.

 

The massage therapist also mentioned that a massage is good

for us,  if for nothing but the touch.

She said our human bodies were designed for touch.

Touch is something I miss so much.

Yes, my grandchildren love on me all the time.

I get hugs from friends and family.

But it’s not the same as the touch of your soul mate.

When your spouse reaches for your hand,

it has healing power.

 

It’s knowing your covenant partner, 

your one-flesh, is there for you. 

 

Yesterday, I asked my dad if he still misses Mama a lot.

He said sometimes he does.

But he also said he misses Les.

Somehow I think their absence screams at him, too.

 

Life goes on and I am okay.

I will survive because God is my Rock and my Strong Tower.

His grace is always sufficient.

He has a plan for me and it is a perfect plan.

I may not understand it,

but I trust Him.

 

But, no matter what the future holds,

 there will always be that empty space when my family gathers.

 

Lots of love, Sharon

 

 

 

 


2 thoughts on “An Empty Space

  1. I am so sorry for your pain. You write so beautifully that I can understand where your loneliness is coming from. I am praying that God will gradually take some of that pain and loneliness away so that it is not so acute. Thanks for sharing your very personal journey with others so that we can learn and hopefully be more sympathetic to those around us that may be hurting.

    1. Thank you, Susan. It really helps me to write. The pain is so much less now but it still comes. Seems to cycle. It is my hope that the things I write will help someone else. Sometimes we think we’re the only one who feels like we do. It helps to know it’s just normal. I truly am okay. Thanks for your kind words. Means a lot. Sharon

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