My last post shared the darkness I had found myself in right after the holidays.
It is obvious that many prayers have been lifted on my behalf because I can feel them.
It seems that once I am able to voice my darkness, it flees.
For that, I am so very thankful!
This past Sunday, I was handed a book that would hopefully speak into my need.
It is called “Recovering from Losses in Life” and is written by H. Norman Wright.
Oh, how I wish someone had given me this book earlier on.
I soaked up the words like a sponge.
There was so much that spoke directly to my heart.
There was chart that showed the ups and downs of grief over a span of more than 2 years.
(I tried to scan it in, but couldn’t get it to work good enough to really see!)
The peaks that indicated the intensity of grief were jagged.
“The pain and grief actually intensify at three months and then gradually subside but not in a steady fashion.
They go up and down.
Most people don’t need a reminder of the first-year anniversary of the loss of a loved one.
The intensity of grief comes rushing in with a pain that rivals the initial feelings of loss.”
(The holidays and the first-year anniversary coincided, thus my spike in grief.)
“If anyone attempts to tell you that you should be “over it by now” or “feeling better” at any of these time,
you may become quite upset with them.
That is understandable.
It is also understandable that people lack an appreciation for the process of grief unless they have been through it themselves.”
(pg. 61, Recovering from Losses in Life, H. Norman Wright)
Mr Wright suggested writing a letter to let everyone know what I am feeling and what I need.
In fact, he includes a letter which I have adapted for my situation.
This would have been better at an earlier time in this process, but it still will work.
SO HERE GOES!!!
Dear Family and Friends,
Not that long ago, I suffered a devastating loss. I am grieving and it will take many more months and even years to recover from this loss.
I wanted to let you know that I will still cry from time to time. I don’t apologize for my tears since they are not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith.
They are God’s gift to me to express the extent of my loss, and they are also a sign that I am recovering.
At times you may see me angry for no apparent reason. Sometimes I’m not sure why myself. All I know is that my emotions are intense because of my grief.
If I don’t always make sense to you, please be forgiving and patient with me. And if I repeat myself again and again, please accept this as normal.
More than anything else I still need your understanding and your presence. You don’t always have to know what to say or to even say anything if you
don’t know how to respond. Your presence and a touch or hug lets me know you care. Please don’t wait for me to call you since sometimes I am too
tired or tearful to do so. If I still tend to withdraw from you, please don’t let me do that. I need you to reach out to me even though it may seem to you
that plenty of time has passed.
Pray for me that I would come to see meaning in my loss someday and that I would continue to know God’s comfort and love. It does help to let me know you
are still praying for me.
This loss has been so painful. In fact, it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But I will survive and eventually I will recover.
I hold on to that knowledge even though there have been times when I didn’t feel it. I know things will get better. Laughter and joy are emerging
more and more every day.
Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for listening and praying. Your concern comforts me and is a gift for which I will alway be thankful.
Lots of love, Sharon