Rain, Rain, Tears

Rain!  Rain!  Rain!  It has fallen from the sky with a vengeance multiple times recently.  The heavens open and down it comes. Even when it’s not raining, it seems as if it will.  The clouds are just so full they must let loose.

Although that is a physical description of our weather, it also pictures my heart.  For the past 10 days, I have struggled with emotions I haven’t even had before.  Some of those I shared in my last post.  Even when I seem okay, tears are just below the surface, awaiting the smallest opportunity to leak out.  Those who were fortunate enough to cross paths with me yesterday (LOL) know what I am talking about.  Three totally separate times , I just lost it.  Didn’t want to.  Tried not to.  But I did.  Thank you to the two sweet folks who took the time to pray for me, one while letting me cry on their shoulder and the other on the phone.  You know who you are!!!!

What is going on with me?  If you aren’t in my position, then you are probably asking the very same question.  Before facing this thing called widowhood, that is exactly the question I would have asked.  Oh, how little we really know about the things we readily spout off about unless we’ve walked in those shoes!

All my life, I’ve had this urge to just run away when things aren’t going the way I want them to.  Nothing’s changed in that department.  That is how I feel now.  Life just goes on all around me and I don’t like it.  I resent it.  I want it to stop & stay with me in this place I find myself.  Self-pity?  Probably.  Grief?  That’s what I’m told.  Sometimes I struggle to tell the difference.

Whether it is really what I need or not, my desire at this point is to just go away for a week or so, alone, with no responsibilities weighing on my shoulders.  Just me and God, my Comforter, my Strong Tower, my Shelter from life’s storms.  Would it fix things?  I don’t know.  But I do know the time I spend with God, like this morning on my front porch where the rain didn’t soak everything, strengthens me.  He is always with me, I know, but it’s in taking the time to sit and listen and let Him love up on me, that I find healing.  It is when I find reassurance and an unbelievable love.  It is when He undergirds my trust in His sovereign plan for my life.  It is when He catches my tears and lovingily holds them in His nail-pierced hand.  It is when I find Peace.  And I don’t know about you, but I could really use a great big dose of peace!!!!

So when you see raindrops, stop and say a prayer for me and/or for someone you know who is hurting.  Life is busy, but life is also short.  Take time to let them know you care.  It might just change the whole course of their day.

Lots of love, Sharon

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